third child I started searching online (and my books) for a list to give my husband and my Mom of ideas to help out while I was recuperating. Well, my search was short because I couldn't find any list beyond 'help out'..... and that my friends just wasn't going to cut it!
So, here is my list that I composed within one month from having baby #3 with the ideas fresh in my mind. I had some mom friends look over the list and give their comments and suggestions. And of course my husband lovingly proof read it and gave his two cents too!
A Dad’s Guide to Helping the Family and Mom After Childbirth
Here is a list of suggested activities,
not in any specific order, for a Dad or anyone helping a family that just had a
baby. This list is written suggesting
that there are other small children at home.
So, if this birth is the first baby for your family some things won’t
apply, and thankfully that means less work for you! Still, there are many things that apply to any
family after the birth of a child. These
things should be done for the Mom the first two weeks post partum and then as
necessary (communicate about this) to help ease her back into the routine of
family life ‘as normal’.
Some things to take into account:
- Your new Mom’s love language – to find out what
your love language is visit: 5 Love Languages Test
♥
If Mom’s love
language is Acts Of Service you’ll
need to take care of her every need.
♥
If her love
language is Physical Touch she may
not want you to leave her and would rather you leave the laundry for later and
just give her a foot massage.
♥
For a Mom with a
love language of Quality Time she may
want you to read a book to her or carry her outdoors and just sit together and
talk.
♥
If her love
language is Gift Giving you should
consider getting her some flowers and ordering in her favorite meal, or giving
her some jewelry (maybe something with the new baby’s birth stone?)
♥
If Mom’s love
language is Words of Affirmation she
will want you to be there telling her how beautiful she is and complimenting
her on how strong she is (after all she did just give birth to a baby!).
- If Mom is usually a clean freak, be very
conscious that what you clean is to her specifications as much as you can.
- If Mom is usually very laid back, you can probably get away with not keeping the house immaculately clean. But you don’t want Mom to be stressed and feel like she needs to get back at scrubbing the toilet a couple days after birth! Number 1 take away from this list is to make sure you communicate with Mom about what she wants done and follow through.
Mom should:
- Stay in bed for the first two days as much as
possible.
- For the first 24-48 hours after birth walk with someone
helping her to the bathroom.
- Sit up slowly and don’t stress your stomach
muscles.
- Drink lots of water – at least 3 quarts a day to
establish a good milk supply (if breast feeding). Avoid caffeinated drinks such as coffee,
teas, soda and chocolate while nursing.
These are dehydrating and can negatively affect the new baby.
- Sleep when baby sleeps. Be sure to get extra servings of foods
high in iron to replace lost blood.
(I’ve found Chlorophyll is a great supplement in water)
- I was once told after birth that Mom should: be 5
days IN the bed, 5 days ON the bed and 5 days AROUND the bed. But unless you have a live in maid and a
lot of things to do ‘in bed’ that isn’t too realistic.
- Avoid stairs for 2 weeks especially carrying something heavy (20 lbs or more) while climbing stairs.
Things for Dad or Helper to do:
- Ask what the new Mom needs, and get it for her
right away. (If you don’t get things for her when she needs them she will
feel she needs to get up and do it for herself.)
- If remembering is a problem then keep a small
notepad in your pocket and a pen so that you can write down her requests
and anything you don’t want to forget so that you don’t!
- Wash the dishes
- Change & take out the garbage (check all
garbage receptacles around the house: bedrooms, bathroom, kitchen etc.)
- Do laundry – wash, dry, fold and put away
- Keep floors free of trip hazards (toys, and junk)
- Sweep floors and mop if necessary.
- Give kids baths if needed – this includes,
cleaning ears, washing hair, applying lotion, checking rashes, trimming
fingernails and putting clean clothes back on.
- Feed children and Mom nutritious meals on their
normal schedule (no lunches 2 hours after the kids are used to eating).
- Don’t leave young children to feed them selves –
sit at the table and eat with them.
Make sure they eat and don’t just mess around. And be sure to pick up the table, dishes
and left-overs quickly after meals.
- Participate in follow up Doctor or Midwife visits
after the baby is born.
- Check your wife’s drink supply and need for a
snack or food often.
- Spend some time loving on the new Mom. Pour love
back into her as she is pouring herself into the new baby and other
children and may feel like her love bank needs a refill.
- Attend to other children’s needs during the night.
- Don’t allow TV to baby sit kids more than
necessary.
- Try to think ahead – what will you make/heat up
for the next meal?
- Make sure kids eat their vitamins and brush their
teeth.
- Get them into pajamas (don’t let them sleep in
dirty day clothes).
- Put dirty clothes in the correct hampers/homes.
- Make sure you don’t leave Mom alone all the time.
- Give her a lot of love, hugs and kisses, hold her and her hand (enjoy hugging
without the baby in her belly!)
- Ask if she wants quiet time alone or family time.
- Plan an easy going family outing that doesn’t
require stress on Mom – like a visit to a free local park, or going to the
movies.
- Get Mom outside and around other people so she
doesn’t feel isolated from the world.
- Try to keep the house quiet – read to the kids,
take them on walks.
- Oversee or help with
other children's chores.
- Be the host for
visitors and be sure that they don't overstay their welcome when mommy is
tired.
- Sing to the baby and
or take baby for a walk when baby is fussy to give Mom a break.
- Dad - keep your
schedule as open as possible, especially in the first few months. Ask Mom what the hardest time of day for
her is – maybe she is a night person and mornings are hard, then try to be
conscious of this and make more effort to help in the morning. Or maybe night time is hard getting kids
to bed, try not to work late and be there to help get the kids down.
- Help Mom explain,
train and practice manners with baby so it is clear to all (children
especially) in the household how to act around/with the baby.
- Check if her phone
needs to be charged.
- Ask her if she wants
to watch a movie with you either in bed (if there is a TV or if you can
use your portable device) or move her to the couch and watch a movie that
both of you enjoy.
- Arrange for any
other children to have a play date or go to a sitter so Dad can stay home
with Mom and have a ‘night in’ together.
- Ask Mom if she would
like her craft items brought to her in bed or on the couch – knitting,
crochet or even the baby book to work on while taking it easy.
- Make sure you take
plenty of pictures of the new baby with Mom (if she is feeling up to
pictures but still take some just to capture the tender moments after
baby’s arrival). Take family shots
as well. (If Mom wants to have a
professional photographer take photos discuss arranging that with Mom and do
some of the leg work for her, making phone calls and arranging
appointments etc.
- Check the fridge and
make sure that the essentials are well stocked.
- Keep an eye on the
diaper supply and make sure to get more before running out!
- If Mom doesn’t want
to be left alone try to arrange for a family member or close friend to
pick up any essentials needed from the store.
- Remember that
adjusting to a new ‘normal can take a while and Mom may need a break even
after the physical healing is complete.
Over the first 6 months after a baby is born, a new Mom still feels
like she needs an extra hand (or a couple extra sets of hands!) around. Be attentive and sensitive to Mom’s
needs. Offer her a break or arrange
for extra help to come if you don’t have the time.
- Dads, don’t be afraid to wear that baby! Give Mom a break, bond with your new baby, and do the dishes or the vacuuming or take all the kids on a walk!
NOTE To Dad/Helper - If you feel this list is too extensive please
consider all that Moms do for their family all year around. To ask everyone else to pitch in and do
things for her to have a week or two of rest when she has a baby isn’t really
asking a lot. She will now have more
work to do with a new person to care for (for the rest of her life).
I
hope this list helps you and your loved ones, during the special, tender,
fleeting time of newborn days.
God
Bless,
Dawn
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